I checked the runtime an hour into this movie. You get to watch the antagonist dial his creepy meter all the way up while the hero gets dumber and more spineless up until the very end. My qualms:
Who does that? The annoying parts of this movie make me appreciate Nope all the more because why don’t you have a “fuck this” gene embedded into your DNA? Even if you’re dissatisfied with your life and full of ennui, as with Bjorn, why would you want to stay in someone’s house when you know they enjoy watching you and your wife fuck? Especially when it’s clearly the first time you’ve gotten laid in like years. And after everything Louise tells you, how are you still talked into staying? Idiot.
You call that a twist? Listen, the twist is exactly what you think it is: these freaks have done this shit before. A lot. Because of that, when Bjorn finds Abel in the pool, it’s a little startling, but not all that surprising. Same with kidnapping Agnes and cutting out her tongue. From there, killing Bjorn and Louise is the next logical step. How Karina and Patrick killed Louise and Bjorn was a surprise, but that was kind of it.
What we never get is the why. Why do all of this? How does Muhajid fit into your scheme and why is he on board? What exactly is the turnaround time on your whole kidnapping kids, killing their parents, and then killing them routine? I thought this would turn into some Ari Aster shit where maybe we’re worshiping an ancient god à la Hereditary or maybe we just have ancient fucked up traditions as seen in Midsommar. It’s neither. So I guess this is just Karina and Patrick’s kink? Well if that’s the case, I’d love to know how the hell they got this party started to begin with.
Verdict: For some movies, a remake is their only chance at redemption. I’m almost mad I wasted my time watching this. I would give this 0 stars if the actors hadn’t done such a fantastic job carrying this steaming pile of hot garbage on their backs. I hope they all have chiropractors. 1 star.
